Wow, I was just looking at this blog and realized how long it’s been since I’d written anything. Truthfully…..So much has happened in three years I’m not sure where to begin. I think I began to feel uninspired mostly. Things we’re happening with the kids who were slowly becoming “grown-ups” and I got sidetracked. Yes….for three years… Life gets busy, and sometimes we’re just too tired to write about it. But I got the urge to share again, so I thought I’d see where it takes me.
Some of the news I have to share is not good however. My youngest daughter got herself into some serious trouble on exactly Memorial Day weekend last year. It’s been a roller coaster ever since. So, I guess I’ll start there. This kid, who used to be the light of my life….began having issues at around twelve or thirteen…. Hindsight of course is twenty-twenty. She began becoming more moody than usual, but we just chalked it up to raging hormones. She became increasingly more temperamental but again, you look at the age and you let a lot of things go right? I kept her busy, kept her in sports …. she did okay. Until around 9th grade when the bottom seemed to fall out. She didn’t make it for the volleyball team that year, and started dabbling in drugs and alcohol. Which truthfully, she’d probably begun doing sooner, we just didn’t see it. Then, came the boy issues…. Or older boy issues to be more specific. It’s a long story, but we knew the boy and liked him well enough , so we kept them close so we could keep an eye on the situation. I mean, what better way to drive away your teenager than to “forbid” her to see the kid right?
So that relationship ended up being a very volatile two years or so…. There were even a few phone calls made to police because their arguments became pretty knock down. Then there was the skipping school and the getting caught with marijuana at school thing. She ends up on probation at school, ends up in juvenile court. She gets thorough the treatment and they seal the records. She eventually decides to leave school and do the home school thing. We are now in her Junior year of high school. The boyfriend is still and on again/off again thing. She gets a drivers license, gets a job, gets a car and is starting to do pretty well. We relax….slightly. Then, there’s a car accident…. first kid of ours to have one, she is not cited but hits her head pretty bad with the air bag, etc. Mind you….we are also raising three other kids here who are older and all doing well. None of who are doing drugs, getting into trouble or otherwise having any issues with pending adulthood.
Now let me backtrack slightly. We have addiction in the family. On my husband’s side…. his brother battled heroin for twenty years and lost his battle a few years ago. His other brother also has a gambling addiction. His Grandfather was a raging alcoholic. SO….we’d always been very honest and open with our kids about the subject matter. Neither myself or my husband have any addiction issues. We’ve very straight-laced people other than our very dark sense of humor. We both came from broken families and did our very best to try to do it better than our parents. We’ve had our issues, but somehow….we’ve managed to raise three functioning adults. One of whom graduated College and is an Engineer and has his own house at 24 years old … with his girlfriend since high school, another who is working in healthcare on the business end and is in college now while she works full time and has her own house at 22 years old, and another who is working as an Airline Mechanic and has not yet bought his own house. So, we must have done something right along the way…..
So back to the kid who hasn’t gotten it yet. Somehow, the boyfriend and her part ways eventually after MUCH drama and a few more run in’s with the cops. She does eventually get it together enough to graduate high-school….. BIG sigh of relief here! She gets a better job…Yay!! We relax….a bit more. She doesn’t seem to have any direction for what she wants to do with the rest of her life yet…. but hey, she’s only eighteen at this point.
Fast-forward to this time last year. It’s the Friday before Memorial Day weekend, she’s now Nineteen. I’m sleeping. My husband wakes me up at something like 1:30 am. It’s your worst nightmare as a parent. Tells me She’s gotten pulled over, and refused to get out of the car and they dragged her out kicking and screaming, they’ve thrown her to the ground and they’ve hog tied and cuffed her and thrown her in the back of a police car. She is now in jail. AND….they’ve attached FIVE felony charges to her one of which is assaulting a police officer because she inadvertently kicked the officer as they were dragging her out of the car. She also had a whittling knife on her which they called a “concealed weapon” and there was the smell of marijuana in the car…..which we later found out she was carrying on her person and added an conveyance charge because she carried it into the jail. Now…..my husband had the entire conversation with her recorded on his phone (he has some kind of recording app) AS this was all unfolding…..he was on his way to where she was when it all happened. The rest is a blur. I remember crying myself to sleep that night. I remember that we had to wait for three or four days to see her….in the courtroom…. because it was a holiday weekend.
And I remember the heartbreaking news that the incident had made it to the local news and was all over facebook along with my daughter’s mug shot. I remember the absolute gut wrenching moment of them bringing my youngest child, both hands and feet shackled into the courtroom that day. And there’s nothing more heartbreaking than to see your child in an orange jumpsuit…..handcuffed. The feeling of overwhelming failure as a parent….and grief that your life as you know it will be forever changed. The feeling of helplessness. Watching your eldest daughter crying right along with you as they walk her baby sister into that courtroom that day. Other than terminal illness or death itself, I cannot imagine anything worse.
So much has happened in this year….. since this event. The endless hours in courtrooms…. the beginnings of therapy….which we’d tried with her before and hadn’t gotten anywhere. Not long after we acquired council for her….and they we’re figuring out what to do with her….. She had the first of two breakdowns. She entered a state of psychosis. She became someone we didn’t recognize. She said things that made no sense, she heard voices that weren’t there. One day, she let my dogs outside without their collars, shut the door and went inside to take a shower. Thankfully, I came home in time as three dogs came running up to my car panting from being outside, and without their collars on. When I asked my daughter why she’d done that, she said …”they told me they wanted to be free….if you love something, you should set it free.” I explained to her like a small child why she shouldn’t do such a thing. She seemed to understand. Two days later, she did it again.
She became restless and would wander about through the halls at night. We became fearful when she started to tell us about people in her room talking to her. My husband took her to the hospital for evaluation. They committed her to a psych unit, in a deep state of psychosis… for four weeks up in Cleveland. We traveled back and forth to see her. She ceased speaking and only read the bible. She developed a strange hatred for all red-headed people because they were from the Devil. If a nurse came into her room who had red hair, she would immediately start reciting bible verses to her. She refused all medication. The state was getting ready to step in. My husband headed them off at the pass and got legal guardianship of her medical care. They sent her home……without medication and any real reason. Less than two weeks later….she was pink slipped again….and readmitted her to another facility. This time, she would be there almost six weeks. Still in mild psychosis….but lucid at times, they finally convinced her to take medication.
They diagnosed her with bipolar disorder and schizoaffective disorder. All the while, the court system was holding their breath. Waiting to sentence her for her “crimes”. She began to rapidly gain weight on the anti-psychotic drugs. But she did stabilize. Finally, they released her into our care. Approximately three weeks later, after we’d gotten her started with local aftercare and therapy etc … the court system had their way. They agreed to reduce all of the felony charges against her if she entered into the Mental Health Court. A few days later, and maybe a month after her being released from the psychiatric facilities…..and barely stable with therapy….. she plead into the Mental Health Court. Now…..this is where it gets tricky. My husband had/has legal guardianship of her at this time because they declared her “incompetent”. And yet…..they allowed HER to sign herself into the plea of the Mental Health Court. At what time did they decide she was competent to do so? We’re not entirely sure. The stipulation here was that her record would be clean if she completed the 18 month-2year program.
She also lost her fabulous job during all this. We tried to lobby for her…..but they didn’t want to hear about it once the news put it out there.
This saga is much too convoluted to share in one post. This is an ongoing, and heartbreaking story that so far hasn’t had a happy ending…. I will share more. But I need a break… I have issue with the state of Mental Health Care in our society. We wonder why people are lost. We wonder why there are homeless people wandering about. We wonder why there are seemingly endless school shootings happening every single day. And I say….. It is a multi-faceted issue that seems to pivot on the state of our Mental Health and how it is dealt with in our society.
I have more to tell you. Just not today. Stay with me.
Thanks for reading ~ Namaste