Defining Class

It is an interesting conundrum to say the least. How does one define the nature of “Class”? Now I’m not speaking of class as in, place in society. No, no.  I am referring to how one decides that another individual has class.  What makes a person stand out in that regard more so than another?  The reason I ask this question is simple really.  My Mother In Law. Let me elaborate upon this quandary.

In this family, we tend to voice our opinions quite forcefully….and sometimes with some colorful words added in for ….shall we say….flare and dramatic effect?  I’ve allowed our children, who are almost full grown adults to speak their minds freely, since they are going to do so anyway…and I’ve never censored them because I feel it’s more honest to tell me to my face you hate me and “go to hell” than to simply make nice to my face and say it behind my back.  Now, there are lines and we all try to appreciate those lines when necessary.  We all know how far to push, when and where to cross the T’s and dot the I’s so to speak.   There is a running joke in our household that we all suffer from Tourettes! Hahaha!

Anyhow, this makes us rather entertaining people.  We have our kids and all of our kids friends who adore us because we’re the “cool parents” who they can all come to and never feel weird or like they have to be someone else.

Well…..

Then….THIS happened.

My daughter was telling me about something that happened to her car, and was upset about it and let a few “colorful” words fly into the description.  My Mother in Law was in the room and the kids have, in conversation with me or their Father, used such words before….and she’s heard it.  Now.  She says to my daughter….. “Kaitlyn?! Aren’t you in college?”  And my daughter says “Yeah?”  And my Mother in Law says….”Well, EDUCATED people don’t talk like that!  That is LOW class/ NO Class!”   And my daughter and I look at her and we both go….. REALLY?! Because let’s get something straight, SHE uses these words too….It’s not like she doesn’t.  Now, I found myself offended because, as I said….I have been known to swear as a second language….But have never thought of myself as having “NO CLASS” ?  So, I got to thinking…..what defines a person as having class exactly?

And I stumbled upon this quote….. And I thought…..YES!!

I’ve always prided myself on thinking my thoughts through very well before letting them escape my mouth.  It’s called having a FILTER!! Something my Mother in Law knows nothing about.  She opens her mouth before she turns on her brain.  She has a way of saying the most thoughtless, hurtful things without thinking.  Then when you call her out on the comments, she denies any wrong doing.  To me….that’s NO Class!! I always try to think and be tactful when speaking to someone.  Even in a heated argument!  And in my opinion, CLASS is also knowing when to keep your mouth shut because it’s not worth the argument.  However, I also believe Class is a combination of qualities about a person.  I don’t believe swearing has anything to do with whether a person has class or not.

Look at some of the great comedians? Example….Joan Rivers.  She swore like a truck driver and spoke of the things we all think and would never say out loud!  At least not in front of certain audiences.  I think that’s the key….knowing your audience.  Joan Rivers was still a Classy woman!  She was a humanitarian who served her favorite charities.  She dressed well.  And anyone who knew her, spoke well of her…..even the people she insulted!! Haha!! 😀  She was funny, and she used that humor to make people happy!  And she gave back! That’s class!

Does money and social standing give you class? Um….No.  But using your money and social standing to make others happy and give others joy by giving back to those less fortunate does!  I also don’t believe education gives you class.  It may give you a better vocabulary perhaps, but that doesn’t mean it gives you more class because you use bigger words!  I love words!  All kinds of words!! Big words and small words! Complicated words and simple words!  And I LIKE to swear when I need to get a point across!  However, I don’t do that in front of certain audiences. That’s Class!

But with my friends and immediate family? Hell YEAH!! It adds humor to the conversation to punctuate your sentences with certain off-color words!!  And when one is PISSED off, the words…..Gosh darn it, and Oh fiddle-faddle just don’t cut it for me…..SORRY!When someone cuts me off in traffic for example, you won’t hear me yelling…..Oh you big Dumb Dumb Head!!  No!  Most likely it’s going to be something more along the line of….. Fu#% YOU and all of your ancestors!!! And in the privacy of my own home….well, I’ve been known to swear like a well-versed sailor!  It’s my home!! You don’t like it…..Get out!!  And don’t let the damn door hit you in the ass!!

But I know my audience! And my audience loves me!! And I know when to open up and when to shut the hell up! I dress well, I take care of my family, I cook well, I clean well, I love well….my friends, as well as my family.  I try to give back with what I have.  I believe God gave me a sense of humor for a reason, and I don’t think God is offended by mere words.  It is our actions and who we are as individuals that give us CLASS! 

So, I’m sorry Mother In Law….Your son loves me exactly the way I am….. Class…or no Class! 🙂 🙂 ♥

Namaste ♥  

I have been in the Dark Hallway….Has anyone seen me?

For anyone who has been kind enough to be reading my blog, I apologize for my absence, for I have been trapped in the dark hallway of my depression.  I have recently been dealt a devastating blow regarding my condition.  See, this is not an easy thing for me to discuss, but I am so overwhelmed by my despair about it, I felt the only way to deal with it was to write about it.  My “creativity level” has been flat-lined since the news. So, I thought this would breathe some life into it.

Here’s the deal.  Since my condition of degenerative scoliosis has been steadily worsening, I was encouraged to file for disability.  I was extremely against this idea until my last job really drove home how fast this thing has progressed over the last few years.  But we’ll go back to that momentarily.  First, let me clarify my history a bit.

I have been a stay-at-home Mom for some twenty years now.  With four children within the span of three and a half years, and absolutely NO help raising them other than my husband; there was no other choice.  I worked through my first pregnancy with our first son, and held a job at a local bank for almost 7 years before I left after his birth.  Now, I have had this condition my whole life, and was even told I may not be able to carry children full term.  But, I proved them all wrong… because next, I had a set of twins exactly two years later.  And then our last child 20 months after them.  My back was always an issue, but when raising children….their health and well-being is driven to the forefront of your existence.  The only time I saw a Doctor was to deliver a child or to get rid of an illness that forced me to go.  Looking back now in hindsight, the back-to-back pregnancies probably didn’t help my condition.  But, you couldn’t tell me that then!  I was too busy taking care of my fat, happy little babies.

Now as the years have raced by, the pain has become more and more prominent.  But again, all the lifting and bending of raising children….you just kind of take it in stride.  And occasional bout of pneumonia would drive me to get a new set of chest x-rays at which time, the Doctor and the technician would ask me….”do you know you have a predominant case of scoliosis?” ….and I would answer….”yes, I am aware….thank you for noticing…” , take my antibiotic and go home and continue with my life.  No doctor ever offered any answers or forewarning of the pending issues I would encounter later in life.  But somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew I had to continue to be active in my work outs and keeping my weight under control.  I don’t really know why, I just knew it would be an issue if I didn’t .

So life continued, and the children grew and because we were always struggling with money…. I tried to work a few times.  The problem was, every job was too many hours on my feet, and most jobs in retail (which, being out of the workforce for so long, was all I’m qualified to do) require lifting, bending, and way more hours than I could handle.  I would end up leaving because the employers didn’t want to hear about my condition, all they cared about was getting the job done….and if I couldn’t do it, well then…there were plenty of people out there who could.  I tried to go back to school for cosmetology, because it was something I was good at and wanted to do in high school but didn’t.  But at that time, it was apparent because of my condition, that even if I graduated, I wouldn’t be able to put the hours in that I’d need to build clientele.  That, and my eldest child came down with Mono, and I had to leave to stay at home and care for him full time.  I now owe a student loan for an education I couldn’t finish.  Granted, it’s a small one, but it’s there nonetheless.  Haunting me….

The final blow came when a couple years ago, I took a job with a local bakery for a few hours a week.  Which turned into more hours than I could handle, and no matter how many times I talked to my boss about my condition and cutting back on my hours, she didn’t care.  It was her way, or no way.  I LOVED this job, I loved the women I worked with.  I didn’t want to leave.  I stayed though Christmas, to get them through the madness…  and could barely walk by the time I Ieft.  I had trouble lifting my right leg into my vehicle to drive myself home…. my right hip is in horrible condition because of this too.  I am probably facing a hip replacement at some point in my life.  And this is when… I was advised by my Doctors that I should file.

Fast-forward to today.  I have been dealing with this claim for two years now.  Have an attorney, the whole nine yards.  And basically, long-story short…. they’re telling me….we’ve got nothing for you because you do not have enough work credits to file this claim.  We can’t help you because your husband “makes too much money”….

Now, understand.  I am not looking for any handouts here.  I never asked for this. I didn’t ever want to be considered “disabled” for any reason.  I have fought this every step of the way.  The only reason I agreed to do it was in hopes of maybe taking a job under the guidelines of the disability title, where an employer would have to adhere to a certain number of hours, and accept the fact that there were a few things I could not do as an employee.  Also, maybe….just maybe, to receive some sort of vocational rehabilitation back into the work force, into a job I could possibly do.  Keep in mind though, that sitting for long periods of time is also virtually impossible for me also.  So, what I’m saying is…. I needed HELP.  Not a handout.

And I am outraged, and forlorn, and totally disgusted by a society that disregards “someone like me” (those were the exact words from the local Social Security employee when I called to ask questions) as a person who has not “contributed” enough to society.  I mean, in essence, they’re telling me….”Too bad sister, you didn’t put the time in, your screwed!”  WHAT??? I probably put more “time in” than was required had I been getting a pay-check for my job as a Mother.

How can a stay at home Mom be basically punished because she didn’t contribute?   I cannot contribute to my household income because of a condition I curse every day of my life.  My husband has to bear the burden alone because I cannot help him.  I am not trained, and believe me ….before I knew how bad my condition had become, I tried to find a job.  NO ONE will hire me because I’ve been out of the workforce for so long.  It’s not like, you know….1950 when a stay at home Mom could “take a little job” as a secretary or something after her children were raised.  NO!! No one wants us out there! We are disposable!

But have I not been a good citizen?  I stayed home and raised four children who are responsible almost-adults…who are out in the world, “contributing” to society.  I gave everything I had body and soul into raising those children and taking care of the household we live in.   How the hell is that NOT contributing to society? I read somewhere that if a stay-at-home Mother was PAID for the job she did, it would amount to like around $100,000 a year!!  I don’t understand how this world we live in decides that I am disposable?  Because that is how I feel at this point.  Like I don’t matter.  Like I don’t exist.  Like my whole life meant nothing.  Now logically, I know that to my family this is not true.  But to society?  Whole different ballgame.

I am very upset by this turn of events.  Especially since I know that there are a lot of people out there who are receiving these benefits and are cheating the system.  I, however am not one of those people.  I sincerely do not know where to turn.  And it’s so unfair.  I have a real condition, that under “normal” circumstances…had I “put the time in”…. and given my age, would have not been questioned…and I would qualify for help.  But because I instead chose to do the most honorable job on the planet…..stayed at home and raised my four beautiful children, I am to be dismissed.

I don’t know what I hope to accomplish by writing this article.  Maybe I’m hoping for a miracle.  I don’t know. And I realize there are people out there suffering much more than myself.  However, I have contributed to the lives of my children…. And I don’t think it’s right that a society can just disregard my place as a viable human being.  It just isn’t right.

And now I’m done ranting.  I’m asking anyone who is reading this, to please refrain from commenting if you have anything negative to offer.  Please, just hope, prayers and a miracle are appreciated.

Thank you for your time.

Namaste 🙂

Memories of Septembers Past

Okay, well it’s not really September yet, but it is Back to School time again.  As a Mother of four children who are now almost adults, I am transported back in time once again to the days where I was scurrying to get everyone ready for the beginning of a brand new year.  Now, I have two college students who started the semester today and I still have one High School student on the premises.  But things are a little different now. 

Right about now, I’d be having my first anxiety attack trying to fulfill the vast lists of supplies the kids needed.  I heard a report on the news the other day about just this topic.  It is estimated that the average family will spend about $600.00 PER student between supplies, clothing and fees at the beginning of the school year.  And believe me, that’s no joke.  I can vouch for spending about $150 per kid just for school supplies….and that didn’t even include their individual fees and miscellaneous things they’d need the first two months of the school year.   I mean, there were Spiderman and My Little Pony lunch boxes!  There were Buzz Lightyear and Pokemon Backpacks!  There were like FIFTEEN notebooks per child, and pencils, and sharpeners and scissors…..OH MY!!! I had an entire closet devoted to school supplies!!

I had to keep this closet stocked throughout the school year with glue sticks, liquid glue, markers, crayons, filler paper, construction paper, folders, tape, staplers, highlighters, erasers, and oh yes….Kleenex!!  I literally had a store in my house! Later on, as they progressed to the upper grades there were BINDERS!! Dear God!! Like $10 apiece!! It’s insane what they expect the parents to supply these kids with!  Then, like the second week of school…..Hey, it’s picture time!! Let’s get their pictures taken before the school illness epidemics begin!! That’s like another $25 bucks per kid, and that’s the CHEAP package!! Then, throughout the year would be the constant projects they had to come up with….usually requiring more trips to the Walmart or Target… for more supplies we didn’t already have in the closet!! Yikes!! :O  Never mind that every student/parent was on the hunt for EXACTLY the same supplies all at the same time!! Fun, fun, fun!!

Now, let’s not forget that the children have to eat!  So, when they’re little….they have to take snacks to school… not a full blown lunch…  But, there’s the list of things they can’t bring because there are twenty kids in the class with some sort of food allergy!  Which poses another issue when it’s time to provide the classroom Birthday treats!! OY!!  But as they get older, they either bring a lunch or buy a lunch…. either way, it’s going to cost you a second mortgage just to provide the food to keep their little brains and bodies fueled. 

That first month of school for us was like a complete blur!  It was a veritable cacophony of book coverings, stacks upon stacks of papers that need to be filled out every year for each child (till your handwriting no longer resembles your own), and fighting with children to try and get them back on a normal sleep schedule.  I actually remember being up till midnight the night before school, labeling each child’s supplies and packing their backpacks for the morning.  

Ah, there’s so much to remember, I could never fit it all in this one writing.  The Halloween parties and costumes.  The Christmas programs.  The milestone graduation ceremonies….Kindergarten, 4th Grade, 8th Grade, and finally High School…and everything in between.   The first time you put them on that school bus with that 20lb. backpack….and they can barely climb up that first step….and their little faces in the window waving “Good-bye Momma”…. And the tears that roll down your face as that bus drives away that first time with your precious cargo.  I can still feel the lump in my throat.  And that moment you first see them in their Cap and Gown for High School graduation…… The flooding of all those memories…. Well, there’s nothing like it.  

Actually, I don’t think that lump ever leaves your throat as a Mother.  I’m still in awe every day, that they are mine and that I actually gave birth to them!  My sons now have facial hair and voices that startle me if I don’t hear them walk in a room before they speak 🙂  My daughters are now young women, with women’s figures and make-up!♥♥  Like, when did that happen exactly?!  I’m in awe…truly in awe of them.  They are the greatest miracles of my life.

So, how do I feel now?  Now that those moments have changed?  Now that they drive themselves to wherever they need to be and don’t ride the big yellow school bus anymore?  Now that the “closet” is no longer as stocked as it used to be?  Truthfully, I don’t know how I feel.  It’s a mixed feeling of relief and melancholy.  Relief that I no longer have to stock that closet till it’s full and kinda wishing that I still had to.  It’s a really weird feeling actually, since it’s been the focal point of my existence for the last twenty years or so…   But, we’re not completely there yet either.. My youngest still has two years of high school left.  That’s gonna be a crazy year, since she and my eldest son will graduate at the same time.  Her from High School…him from College… Praise the Lord!!  So, I’m not quite done with it all yet. 

So, in closing of this post…let me just say to all the Moms out there pulling their hair out and making way too many trips to the Walmart, Target and the Malls….I Understand.  This too shall pass… All too quickly.  You don’t believe it when it’s happening.  But it does.  So all I can say is, enjoy the chaos!!  For all too soon, it’ll be way too quiet in your house.  And you will find yourself transported back in time every time you see a school bus. 🙂  Make sure you keep a supply of Kleenex on hand. 

 

 

My Puttanesca love affair

Hello Puttanesca 🙂

Oh, there she is…. My lovely Puttanesca. Perhaps the stirrings of my “Will” to cook shall return….